I feel great
I just peed on a car
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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