ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
