I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
