I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize