It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
