so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
