my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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