Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
