Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
