If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
