i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
honey bunches of taint.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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