I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
