My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
