When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
