Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
