My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
