The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
