He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
