Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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