I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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