I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
