i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
