I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
