Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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