dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
