I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
