he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
