Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
