so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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