so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
