Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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