U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
