just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
