my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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