Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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