Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
