I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
