I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
