just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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