The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
