Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
