Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
