Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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