I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
