Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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