He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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