I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
