We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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