oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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