your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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