Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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