i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
