Sponge bath it is.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize