Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
