watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
