I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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