When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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