May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize