this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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