Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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