I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
