Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
