my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
