Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize