You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
