they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
