Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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