At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
