so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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